KILLER ONE!

KILLER ONE❗ When 2 beggars meet each other and 2 software engineers meet each other after a long time at railway station , the question asked is the same. On which platform are u working these days ? 😝😂

April Fool....

Jack got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said "April fool". I have pass.

Jack strikes again

Jack declares:
.. . . I will never marry in my life &. . ...
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. .. . . .
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
A donkey kicked Jack & ran away
Jackran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra & started beating it & said
'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.
1.Strength:My wife, Jeeto.
2. Weakness:Banta' s wife, Preeto.
3 .Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4. Threat: When I am on tour
============ ========= ========= ========
Jack: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now
it's 1.5 ltr.
============ ========= ========= ========
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
Jack: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Oye paaji, apni pregnant wife ko itne dard mein hospital
ki jagah pizza hut kyun leja raha hai........
Jack ji: Kyun key pizza hut mein'Delivery Free' hai.
========================================
Jack ji aapko bus me logo ne kyu mara?
Jack ji: Are yaar mere photo bus me niche gir gaya aur mene kaha
madam jara sari upper kijiye photo lena hai.....
====================================================
One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Jack : Any great man born in this
village?
Jack: no sir, only small Babies!!!
=========================================================
American says: ' US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai..'
Jack ji says: ' India me to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!'
===============================================================
When TITANIC was sinking, a man asks jackji, how far is LAND?
Jack: 2kms....
Man jumps into THE sea & asks: which way?
jack: DOWNWARDS.
========================================================
Jack orders pizza.
Waiter: Sir shud i cut it into 4 pieces or into 8 pieces?
Jack: 4 hi karde 8 khaye nahi jayenge
===================================================
2 Jacks were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1 Jack: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1 Jack: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we
both copied.
===================================================
A Jacklearning english introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am Jack,
this is my Jackni,
he is my kid,
& she is my kidney.

Santa Banta Jokes

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar : Punjab ..
Boss : which part ?
Sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in Punjab .


2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car. /
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.


Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.


Sardar was busy removing a wheel from his auto. A man asks sardar why are
you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.


Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave
Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass..


Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our engagement
day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.


Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one
before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love.


Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


A man to Santa: Aao ji chess khelein
Santa: Tu chal mein sports shoes pehen kar aaya.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand,
oh!
Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is
he crying?


Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...
. drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!


Banta: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says This is all India
Radio!


NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE :
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Santa: Tipu's skeleton.
Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?
Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Day2

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant



Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.



Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1



What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.



What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.



A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.



Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering



How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.



Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.



If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?



Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"



If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?



Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.



I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.



I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.

Sms day1

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message


God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested


The longest sentence known to man: "I do."


CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this


Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?


This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.


Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.


I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!


ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.


Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.


Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?


Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!


Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.


I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...


There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.


What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?


What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.


I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.


A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."


Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.


What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.


Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

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